....I'm just going to die. I'm so fucking pissed at the world right now and I feel so alone even though I'm not. I hate my friends right now. Not all of them, just the ones that are supposed to be my 'good' friends. What a bunch of lying backstabbers they are...Sometimes I feel like I really don't belong with these people anymore. I'm the quiet, polite one that just takes this all the crap these people dish. But I'm getting real sick of all the lying, the backstabbing, the fucking moodiness....I just feel like I want to kill them all. One's so fucking depressed she's a nightmare to be around. One's so cheap she's willing to spend $60+ on her self but she can't fucking spend $10 on each of her friends at Christmas. The other two are so opinionated that listening to them fight...neither of them seem to have much logic in getting along even though they are two very intelligent people. 

And here I've spent ten minutes bitching about my friends when really I should be working on this major history assignment...gah I'm so stressed about this right now.

So it's been a long time since I've posted anything in here. Let me just say that there has been a lot of crazy stuff going on in my life. Well my summer has been really crappy. I've tried to get a job, but it seems everytime I get near to getting somewhere, something happens in my life to stop me. First it was a trip, then it was my father breaking his hip and being in the hospital for a week, then it was a lack of a car, then it was the fact that I didn't have a license where I could drive by myself, then my uncle died and I had to go out of town for the funeral. Now I want a job but it seems a waste since I will be back at school in a month or so. I can't believe how hectic life is...

Ok so I had very low hopes for this schooling show this weekend. I didn't care one little bit about placings or anything. My horse has had problems with confidence over fences and so that has given me confidence issues. I just wanted to get through those courses even if we refused every single jump.  Well...

Sat: I had 2' Hunter, 2' Jumper and 2'3" - 2'6" Hunter. Not only did we not refuse anything  (even the scary oxers! lol), but we managed to place in the Jumper class and in the 2'3"- 2'6" hunter. The judge (another coach at our barn) told my coach that I would've placed 1st in the 2'3" hunter if only I hadn't gone off course. I was allowed to restart but obviously docked marks. It was a tough course! Quarter line-Wall-Wall-Diagonal-Diagonal. I got mixed up and thoght the diagonals were first. Oops! Blonde moment...

Sun: I had First Level Test 1 as my dressage test. 5th place out of 5 but my score was a 62.5% so you see who I was up against. And my boy is no dressage horse. He can do all the figures its just his conformation makes it so he can't easily round himself and carry his head lower. He's my hollow backed, head up in the air, uptight ex-racer. But I love him!

So, even though placing wise we didn't do so well...By my standards we accomplished so much more than I thought we could.

...Well, I've certainly been quite lazy and haven't posted her in a really long time. Exams are coming up real soon...as in 3 days soon!! But after those are finished, I'll definitely have a lot more free time. But now, I must be steadfast and determined with my studying and my riding. I have a show next weekend and I hope that all goes well...

Well, so far it's just felt like a long weekend but I guess as the week goes on it'll feel more like a long break. I really don't have anything more to say. So I'll just get back to my break! 

Ah...I need some more sleep. I got up pretty early yesterday to go out to the barn and help my friend get her grumpy horse ready for a schooling show. I was at the barn at about 8:00. But it was a pretty fun day. Except for when my friend decided to give me a heart attack at 16!!

She gets kinda nervous, especially with any kind of jumping. So at any show I've gotta be there calming her nerves and making sure she doesn't have a confidence breakdown. Anyway, the horse she rides is a real schoolmaster and jumps anything and loves it. But he sometimes gets really excited and takes the fences his own way. And she is too nervous to do anything. This was the case at this show. They were doing so well until the last line towards home. These are just cross rails anyway. He charged towards the last fence just getting faster and faster. I just thought to myself, 'He's going to leave out a stride. Oh dear, they're going too fast!'. And he took off early unseating her and she almost flew of into the rail! And her mother (who doesn't care much for riding)was sitting in the front row! Thank god she stayed on.

I nearly had a heart attack...I'm way too young for that...

Ah, it's a short week at school!! I get Thursday and Friday off. The only downside is that I've got a nice, big group project that I've gotta get done...Fun...Oh well... I have a party to look forward too. Yay! It's almost the weekend!

I feel so lazy right now. I was supposed to go to a friends house at 6pm to work on a project with two other people today. But they called at 11:45am and said one of the others could no longer make it and they'd changed the meeting to 12:45pm. I don't think I've ever moved so fast. I was still in bed with bad bed head, hadn't eaten anything and hadn't finished my research. It was bad. But no one else was really finished so I'm okay.

So now I'm at home doing nothing...Decided to change my layout though. I think it looks great. Yup...